Wouldn’t it be nice if life was like a train? But it doesn’t work that way, of course. The journey is rarely straight, the bridge will be washed out, snow blocks the mountain pass then our ticket becomes invalid and there’s a derailment just ahead..
I was 46 then, successful in my career in a very prestigious, international (Swiss) company in Makati, surrounded with “big bosses with big hearts” and always with a plate filled with the daily routine assignments in a corporate set up. I have all the benefits you wish to have. HR team who kept on bugging me for our Annual Medical check up and yet passed on to my deaf ears until the time I was posted and moved on to Phnom Penh, Cambodia to join our SGS Cambodia Liaison Office way back 2000.
Time flies! I enjoyed my job in Phnom Penh, the only place on earth with 28 holidays a year! It was September 24th 2003 – we traveled all the way to Vietnam for a long weekend Pchum Ben holiday. I had my confirmed appointment the next day at FV (Franco-Vietnamese) Hospital with Dr. Stephane Lager an OB Gyne, after I felt a lump on my left breast July that same year wherein months before I had two prolonged cough which was just ignored, frequent very disturbing numbness on my right arm which I thought an effect of daily long usage of my desktop.
The check-up process went long and seemed unusual. This includes Mammogram, Ultrasound and discussion with 3 medical experts. Staring on their serious moods, I suspected something went wrong and learned that my coughing and numbness were one of its signs. Finally the results were revealed, my OB Gyne confirmed that I have a calcified lump on my left breast in a size of 2.1 cm which have to be removed immediately without delay. I settled down at the hotel and detached from the group, it was a sad day full of fears and doubts. Devastated, the thoughts of excitements for the holiday were gone.
I immediately flew back to the Philippines for my 2nd and 3rd opinion in Makati Medical Center. Aspiration biopsy was done. Revelation time and thought it was the end of my world. Biopsy result came out October 10, 2003 – my Breast Surgeon Specialist, Dra. Dianne Cua has confirmed that I have an Invasive Ductile Carcinoma which size is 2.1 cm (early stage II Breast Cancer). Being single, on the stage of menopausal and hormonal imbalances plus work stress attributed a lot with my breast cancer. We walked down the hospital lobby, with lots of questions in my mind. Total nightmare!
It was a gloomy weekend at home, depressed, I pulled myself to the side of my room and stared a long time, in silence seeking God’s words of enlightenment - the next step to do for the final operation arrangement. I was never that prayerful as before.
The news went around globally to relatives and friends. E-mails kept pouring, sharing words of encouragements. Brigades of the most powerful prayers continue from grieving friends and family members who was shocked about my situation. Their words of comfort were never more appropriate than before. A moment to remember that when one of us is threatened, we are all at risk, we are all involved in this journey called life. We must keep an eye out for one another and make an extra effort to encourage one another. Remember each of us is a vital thread in other person’s tapestry, our lives are woven together for a reason. One of the best things to hold onto in this world is through our families and friends.
October 16th 2003, I was operated by Dr. Dianne Cua the process of mastectomy on my left breast. It never ends there and the journey continues. Dr. Francisco, my Oncologist advised me to go through a 21-day cycle six (6) sessions of Chemotherapy but due to my work in Cambodia I decided to have it administered in FV Hospital where my lump was detected. My new Oncologist in FV, Dr. Ali Tahri, took care of my chemo treatments and it was perfectly administered. That started November 28th 2003 to March 12th 2004 on a different process. While IV injection is practiced in the Philippines, I was installed with a small gadget on my upper right neck called Pro-A-Cath which looked like a socket where the needle will be injected where the chemical medicine run through the various tubes connected. Technology works out well but I believe God is always in control no mater what happens because we are just loaning our lives from God. They are not our possessions, they belong to God. The book entitled “Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren” relates everything His power and is felt specially someone like me who is a Cancer Survivor. I always thought having cancer is a test of faith and no other perfect way except turning all my pains to God and through prayers.
Chemo treatment was the toughest of them all. During the operation I never felt the pain but the chemo effects were beyond description. In between each session my right arm was full of shots and plasters from the required blood tests twice prior to each treatment. Looking pale and week within the week on the course of my treatment while in the midst of my workplace, office colleagues were visible and kind enough to cheer me up.
Questions and lot of questions does not end in each journey of my treatment. Will I die now or still survive? Will the medicine be effective to kill all the cancer cells? Will my resistance strong enough to sustain from this terrible medicine? Why is this being introduced wherein it does not only kill the cells (normal and cancer) but maybe will also kill patients after sighting all my co-cancer patients in the chemo room fighting with various side effects. It was T-E-R-R-I-B-L-E and you have to fight physically, psychologically, mentally, emotionally, financially and most of all “spiritually”.
Acceptance time came when my every single hair starts to fall! I got BALD all over… apart from other effects that I have fought (vomiting, nausea, loose of appetite, heat, tingling of your body, tightening and shrinking of my veins, pains all over as a result of the medicine). Big sigh… why me Lord? I still couldn’t understand but I have to fight. At the back of my mind I can hear the whisper. Carry on, fight, win, pray and pray. In the midst of these trials I felt God’s presence and my faith deepened. You are in safe hands and I will take care of you. It was a total spiritual journey.
Nights were very long and even gets longer in the midst of my struggle, time to realize the miracles on the existence and presence of God in my whole being. In my faith there is no doubt He is in control of everything not only in my body but in my whole life. Like a train, I see that Christ is my conductor on the lightning train of life. Always mindful of obstruction and kept His hands upon the throttle and His eyes upon the rail. The image of the mountain railway is especially nice, for it conjures up a vision of powerful machine struggling mightily ever higher towards heaven. Perhaps it is the parallel silver lines of the railway track that always seem to lead over the next hill of tomorrow’s horizon. Whatever the reasons, the train remains firmly a part of our shared collective past and experience . But God willing, I was positive I do get there and be healed. No matter what life throws at us, we’ve got to keep chugging along, ever onward, ever upward. Same as the train, the ultimate goal to recover is worth any trial, any risk, any steep grade it might encounter along the way. Is there a light at the end of the tunnel? I bet there is! The light is God.
Yes the journey does not end from there, my five (5) weeks, 15 minutes daily Radiation Therapy followed and another set of effects to face. I have to stay away from heat of the sun, feeling thirsty most of the time. Huh! It was really tough! God is great, my treatment effects both from Chemo and Radiation were tolerable.
During these journeys, I never ran out with a smile until the BIG SMILE came again when my new hair popped up July 2004. I finally booked to be home with my family to proudly present my new hair and new physical appearance. Tears, tears, tears of gratefulness have been pouring. God is always good and is healing me. I can’t thank Him enough for taking care of me and giving me all the provisions. My company took care of all the financial needs and I have shared with them psychologically through my positive attitude towards my illness I have continued sharing my personal experience with my Faith in God in Christian regular gatherings and Conferences. Once shared in FV Hospital during their Breast Cancer Awareness Week way back October 2004 and until now on small group meetings. Yes! God was there with me and always will be in the midst of trials and journeys and always generous enough to extend and give me another life. It will be my fifth (5th) year on October 2008 and will soon be joining the march in fighting against Breast Cancer.
I owe a big favour of my 2nd life to my Greatest Creator, to my SGS big bosses and with big hearts (Mr. Rolf Jeker, Mr. Cyril Muller, Mr. George Bottomley, Mr. Malcolm Reid, Ms. Milet Belicena, Ms. Rosario Cajucom-Bradburry, all my SGS Colleagues specially SGS Cambodia and Mr. David Robinson). The moral, emotional support and unconditional love from my very prayerful family, my CFC Family not only in Cambodia but worldwide, my Philippine, Vietnam, Thailand, Cambodia friends. My cousin-nurse Neilma who was at my side all the time nurturing and giving all the care, my bestfriends Mai Cabral & Lenie del Rosario who was kind enough to share a room each and every treatment I had in Vietnam, and most specially to my nephew and prayer warrior Benjie who has joined our Creator ahead of me due to a cardiac arrest in Phnom Penh last January the 13th 2006. A million and bundle of thanks to you ALL!
My spiritual life continues and my journey with God goes on forever! Whoever you are, whenever you are, pray. Pray without ceasing, pray without pretense. Just whisper a prayer. Give thanks to the Lord for He is good, His love endures forever.
Written in my room, Autumn leaves falling
Woodstock, Georgia
(on vacation – cold November 2007)